i had a super duper bad quarrel with bee yesterday night . sigh , all my fault , giving him attitude when he did nothing wrong . till he really couldn't take it . sigh ...

now , i don't know what he is doing . the way he talks and message me is already different . in my opinion . i don't know is it i'm being paranoid . but ... everything seems to be changing . sigh , why did i give him attitude in the first place !!! why !!! i cried so badly last night . i cried alot of times in front of him today . my mind is really in a mess , i don't know what to do but cry now .. i don't know if he's still fuming with anger over my fucking attitude . i don't know what he is thinking now . i'm not a good girlfriend .

i'm such a failure as his stead . he is someone so wonderful , yet i'm not . he deserves better . but i made his life worse . i really don't know what to do now , i feel like i'm being a burden in his life . i don't want to lose him so badly . i really don't . i'm afraid one day , everything will change ..

all my past relationships were nothing but failures in my life . this time , it felt so right , but i ruined it . and i heard quite some girls like him ? sigh ... my troubles in my heart are piling up . but no one is there to help me . i can't possibly confront him ? cause i am his burden .

alan brother had a talk with him . he said so many things , which makes me only want to cry even more . is it true i'm not cherishing him ? he's such a good guy , i am already very lucky to have been able to meet him , yet , i messed things up ..

why did i behave this way ? sigh , i'm really afraid of losing him now . i don't want that to happen . now , all my worries are kept in my heart . i want him by my side now so badly . i wonder what he's doing now .. i've got no idea what is he doing . what type of girlfriend am i ?

all i want him to know is : bee , i'm sorry for all i had done . all my attitudes and behaviour . i know i kept saying sorry but kept repeating my mistakes time and time again . this time , after you told me how you felt yesterday night , i finally realise all the hurt i've been causing you , i'm really willing to change now . i'm willing to do anything to be with you . quit smoking , studying hard , behaving well . i know thats what you want me to be , i'll mend my ways . i just want to say i'm sorry , for everything . not learning how to cherish you the right way . not showing how i love you in the right way . sigh ...

i love you . please don't leave my side . i just want to hold your hand and be with you through out my life . from today , can we not kept anything from each other ? sigh ...

I LOVE YOU - 010806 .. please don't make this date memories ):
i just want you . and only you ...



le sigh ...